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Thursday, April 12, 2007
wtf have i bn doin all this while?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
 times like this.. u start to wonder.. wtf uve bn doin wif ur life? u start to feel guilty for all e rong things n smile endlessly at all e happi moments. things like.. why e fk did i do tt? wth was rong wimme? julie u outta ur brains or wd?? ive dissappointed lotsa loved ones. i realise i nvr ever learn my lesson. its whn i try so hard to do the ryt thing i always end up doin e rong ones. ones tt provide temp happiness.. n haf a lastin effect in my head. no im not regrettin. seirousli.. if evryone kept regrettin after they've done e mistake.. thn.. wth? stupid ryt? im like this piece of feather.. i feel all light.. free n flyin all over e plc.. whn e wind blows hard.. i fly all e way to sumwhr. n whn its just a light breeze.. i just move along.. like tt.. i make decisions evrydae evryone does.. sum help me in great ways. others. jus.. cum along. nt havin thought of ani consequences. i just do wd i feel like doin at tyms. is tt rong? i dun think so. m i defendin myself fer all e rong reasons? i guess so.. nono maybe not afterall.. in my 8 yrs of living... y 8.. cos.. i did my first ever huge mistake at e age of 10.. n i tink i started thinkin like a proper person onli whn i was 10.. so yeah.. in my 8 yrs of living. ive done lots to prove tt im smart n independant. thn again. ive also done a fair share of things which show how extremeli vulnerable, selfish, and child like i actualli m. did i forget to mention irresponsible n totalli out of etiquette? yeah.. is this whn ppl say. "everything happens fer a reason"?? even its a bad thing.. or a gd thing? ryt now. im havin images. of things tt happened. e gd ones. n e bad ones its like e film is rollin pretty fast n i just see certain faces. n things. ive met soo many ppl.. sum hav bn wif me til this dae.. others haf vanished into thin air.. one or two cum n dissappear as n whn they like. i seriousli.. dunt noe wd kinda impression i give ppl. not tt im VERY VERY bothered. bt at tyms it does kinda hit me. how do i portray myself. of cos. self praise is not included whn im syain tt i m an average gd gal. i gt lotsa ppl hu love me. fadie.shafi.nazie,minzi.prashant.etc.etc. my papa n mama.i reali wanna make them proud. yeah. tts like my ultimate goal. dun think sum stuff ive done wil make thm proud in aniway... i gues... bt oh well.. like i said. im selfish. very. i dunoe wd i m reali.. i jus go wif e flow. do wd i wan.. wierd? no just being myself. julie oolie oolie. [ps i love e pic i uploaded it kinda depicts hw i feel now. kinda.. in sum way.. ]
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