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Saturday, October 13, 2007
stupid raya bleargh
Saturday, October 13, 2007
k raya is the mostshit assed thing tt has happend to me this yr. i dun haf a happy family. it has always bn a broen one. n this yr. problems. juz gt worse. juz whn i tot k last yr raya was a miserable disaster. y not this yr. it almos looked quite ok noe. almos. it almos did. bt now. nah. its juz a whole pile of shit frm hell. im caught in btw all my loved ones dammit. bloody asshole frm e bazaar. if u had kept ur ass mouth shut this wud not haf happened. i was tryin soo hard to pacify things. nth turned out ryt. wd raya. go to hell k. im fumin. im sad. im heart broken. is it too much to ask for? a happy family? sum peace. hate this. hate evryting. chaos. this plc. thing. this wdvevr. bleargh. wel. besyds all e bad points. e eve of e eve of raya was wel spent wif my lesbian. we took pics. =) soon to b uploaded. n of cos e eve of raya itself was a flashback of sec sch daes. cos INDRANI & FADIE r tokin again. weeeee =) n they came over to my crib. spent tym watchin MOHABBATEIN. we went to get my kebayas altered. bitches ate mint cookies n mac lunch while i was fastin. yeah bt fun-ness. so sad hudsie cudnt make it. indrani tried on my sari n was goin "zul.. its BEAUTIFUL!!" n then i tied sari for fadie WITH HER TUDUNG ON. heheks. it was really nostalgic. like great. realli nice. i took out my sec sch memmoirs. ive this personal drawer whr i keep all my u noe long gone love letters notes frm presshy fadie hudsie n indix. photos. cards. yrbks. yeah so i took out sum memmorably ridiculous stuff juz to recap our naiveness n stupidity. it was nice. relli nice. hehekz. wel they left at abt 6 30. n thn came daddy to buka. u noe. evy yr. without fail. whn i hear e takbir. floodgates will open. bt this yr surprisingly [given e hell im actually goin thru] thr wasnt a single tear. UNTIL I REALISED I HAVEN CRIED thn poof. im cryin. wth? doinks. its difficult. this freakin life. im a family oriented person k. i mean of cos sumtyms my priorities dingle dangle here n thr btw fren n family bt i love my goddamn family. ISIT SUCH A FREAKIN BIG FAVOUR TO ASK for a decent happy family. gosh. im hatin my life soo much. wd fun is thr whn i cum home to see broken ppl all stubborn really dunno wds goin thru their minds. i try so hard to understan evry single of e soul in my keluarga. bt nth is happenin. im almos point blank now i cried soo much til i think there wil b no more tears in my eyes animore. like next tym i see sth touchin mebe i wun cry cos thrs no more tears. like. all my anger n frustration all stil burnin insyd. bt sudenli i dun haf e energy to cry. new blogskin. new pretty pretty foto. u see. my new retro thingie nice kan? i love it. nazie was like. =) =) "bitch u look like u goin out to party!" wel. experimentin werks. i love it. mummy n daddy as usual disapproved bt wth. its onni a freakin scarf on my head. im nt headin to town in a bikini la dae! old ppl. orang tuah. cannot accept changes. bleargh. duwan tok abt family la. later off to e granmas. papa is not home yet im soo scared. abt wds gona happen. if miracles do occur. paap wil throw his ego sumwhr far awar like saudi arabia or sumwhr n if miracles do happen IF MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. this stupid raya wil becum unstupid. seriousli. ah seriousli. my heart is soo goddamned heavy i feel like swearin n cursin im rmrbin my last tym rayas. whn thr ws no second marriage whn i was SOO YOUNG whn i nvr gt to noe ani problems. whn we ate as a family ONE FAMILY whn we went visitn as ONE family. tt my frens. is nvr ever gona happen again. n u noe i used to b cautious abt wd i blog. alil bit. abt e problem s at home atleast now im like wad e heck. let evyone noe la. tt i look soo happy bt shit k. my freakin shit life is shit. n ppl hu already noe pls keep ur freakin gaps freakin shut. dun haf to go round tellin my papa "oh see wd ur daughter doin first" u gt a problem juz cum straight to me. or get lost. so much for selamat hari raya. i ask maaf oso no use. wds gone is oready gone. JuLiE |
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