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Saturday, January 26, 2008
i asked for it
Saturday, January 26, 2008
im hurt.im confused. im tokin to nazie bt seriousli i dun feel like tokin so ive hung up. last nyt. proofed to be e worst reality chk ever. check. now im not sure whats expected of me check. im wonderin whether its rong. or ryt. i wanna byt. check. thos words jus hit me thr. like wth. check. my 3 Cs wud b a delightful distraction if i had e goddamn freakin shitass money. check. i think alot abt e future. mind u. check. now im thinkin wd im gona do todae. check. nw aint this e same thing ive bn doin for e past 5 weeks. or so? evry sat mornin? check. she hates him for whats hes done. she hates me for what im doin. she hates him for what he possibly myt do. [note : im not beggin to differ] check. i love her. check. her werds mean alot. shes juz carryin out e "responsibility" check. n ive had enuff of checkin already. "i aint some bitch fren out there to smile and cheer u along with watever u do... its my responsibility to knock sense into ur thick skull when u go wrong... wats wrong with u?" ".. i dono if u would even want me anymore... but take care." tt last sentence. killed me. i nvr knew she'd think tt il take a mere newcumer in my life more seriously thn id take her. or mebe haf i ? does it look tt way? i dunoe. whn i say i miss sumone. i miss sumone. does tt mean im takin tings way too seriously? aint all this supposed to b like. lets haf fun. go wif e flow. n see whr it all goes. mean while becareful nvr to get hurt. tts what im strivin for. nt like its a 'wow. great goal u gt thr kid. bt atleast i juz wan this. ur ryt. i m sumone of substance. no ones sayin no. n i wan sumone to understan tt. i wan sumone to noe. tt im not to b taken for granted. i m hu i m. im freakin playful. ppl misunderstan me all e tym let them. cos i dun give two fks. it takes them ages to noe e real me. n u noe e real me. ur ryt in evryting uv jus said. bt ur not leavin me clearheaded. u juz muddled evryting insyd of me. n im like. so cumon tell me what u wan me to do. n tt is not me. i dun go arnd listenin to instructions given to me. i do what i wanna do. bt ryt now. if tts what ur expectin me to do. i cant do it. nt nw. nt tml. nt next week. i dun see me goin far in wd im doin bt im havin fun. let me. if im possible gona hurt. for sure i noe. im not gona complain. cos. rmbr? i asked for it. i wanna b loved. i wanna b left alone. julz. |
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